Chapter 7: Death-

                 “Inevitable Companion of Life”

Key of Eternity

After the years of having a growing field of studying the different creations, be it by man or by God, all these things will come to an end, because to be alive means someday, life will end.

According to Robert Burton, “the fear of death is worse than death.” How could he able to say that when in fact when it comes to death conversations, people tend to wonder and worry because no one really knows what death is like. And honestly, I myself am afraid to die. I don’t want to die yet because there are lots of things I wanted to do and accomplish.

source:http://www.genehanson.com/sunsets/sunset.htm

But no matter how often we escape from death, we can never erase the fact that all of us will die just like after the sun rise, there will be a sunset. Yes, it is true that death is a harsh reality that few people can face directly. This made them say that since there’s nothing they can do about their death, why bother to think about it.

But those who have chosen to deny it says that denial helps keep their anxiety over their threat of non existence, avoids the thoughts of being separated from their loved ones whose relationship with them is essential for their self-esteem and well-being and makes them avoid the aged or seriously ill. Assuming that they are going to live forever, they tend to postpone things that really matter to them.

The more intense the denial, the lower the awareness of death they will be. However, “death is the liberator of him whom freedom cannot release; the physician of him whom medicine cannot cure and comforter of him whom time cannot console,” said Charles Caleb Colton. And so perhaps, this perception made John Milton to conclude that death is the golden key of eternity.

Cope up!

Youths who have the sense of meaning and purpose in life have less fear of death than those who are still struggling to find themselves, said Hughes and Noppe in 1985.

There are people mostly the adults who are more open to talk about death and they do think about it more often because they are old enough to accept the fact that death is the natural end of life. While for others, old and young alike for their own reasons are afraid to talk about it and are in denial of their death in which there were cases that these persons are more afraid of the process of dying than the death itself, said Matousek, 2000.

Years ago, people die at home cared by their family. But as the medical science become advanced, hospital care for the dying person became more common than home care. And once that person die, his family and even other people who have loved him a lot are encouraged to express feelings of grief and loss to help them pass through the grief process.

One of the things that help them cope up after the loss of their loved ones is to make them believe that there is life after death, that though their loved ones were gone, there will be ways for them of coming back. These people believe that each person has a soul and that there is reincarnation. These people are the followers of Eastern faiths. So whenever we think about death, bear in mind that life is so precious. Live your life! Make yourself busy so you won’t have time to worry much about dying.

Never an easy thing

source:http://www.beingolga.com/2011/03/30/saying-goodbye/

Life is series of separations. Our parents who can comfortably say goodbye to us whenever we’re about to go to school or when we’re about to get married are better preparations for them to surpass the death of a loved one. They can be considered as healthy parents if they could learn how to ‘let go’ of their child who have reached the age of 20s. But what if you’re already in the position of saying goodbye? A goodbye wherein there’s no more coming back. Who would ever want to be left? Of course there’ll be none.

Whenever we were left, sometimes we feel anger or may be guilt. We may blame God, fate, those who’ve been taking care of the deceased and may even ourselves but never the deceased person. We tend to cry, have depressed feelings, lack of appetite and find difficulties concentrating at work or at home. These may last for a year or even more. But the more we fully work through our grief, the more likely we’ll be able to get on with our lives.

According to a psychology book, the healthy process of working through the emotions associated with loss is called a grief work. It is a process of freeing ourselves emotionally from the deceased, readjusting to life without that person, resuming ordinary activities and forming new relationships.

But how can we really find relief from grief? How can we turn our mourning into a morning? According to the book entitled Be-Happy Attitudes, we should not blame God or ourselves. We should not fix the blame but rather fix the problem. How? We must decide not to go on for the rest of our lives surrendering to sorrow and tears. We must not accept defeat but rather bury our selfish grieves. Add up joys and turn our sorrow into a servant.

Inspiring right? But what would happen into an unresolved grief? This may appear psychologically and physically. Psychologically speaking, person’s emotional reactions to loss remain repressed. One can’t bring himself to return to the house, hospital or the room where a person has died. There are lots of resentments. The person grieving thinks about their grief and the loss of their loved one too much. And physically, they become more prone to a variety of illnesses like heart disease, stokes, cirrhosis of the liver, hypertension and cancer which may lead to their premature death.

I know how it feels to loss a person whom you owe and love a lot. That’s why I can say that saying goodbye for a life time is really never an easy thing.

Be close to set apart

source:http://www.speedupyourlife.com/time-really-flies/

According to Kubler-Ross (1993), there are five stages of dying. First is the denial stage. The dying person cannot accept his fate yet. He keeps on saying “No, not me, this cannot happen to me!” second is the resentment wherein the patient questions “Why me? Why not others? When the time comes that he was able to realized that “yes, I am dying but…,” he learns to bargain for time. And during the depression period, the patient tends to drop the “but” and admits “yes, I’m dying.” It is where the unrealistic sadness comes so allow time for grieving and so with the expression of sadness. Finally, there comes the acceptance.

Yes, parting from our loved ones is really painful but to say “cheer up” is the worst thing we can say to a dying one. So if you will be given a chance to be with a dying person, here are the advisable things to do.

Be close. Don’t hesitate to touch and allow for a bit of silence. Your presence is really valuable during these times. As much as possible, don’t contradict him when he says he’s going to die because that indicates he accepts his condition so just listen to what he’ll  going to say. Give him the decision-making power and allow him to talk about his unfinished business. Encourage him to reminisce happy experiences for him to laugh. And the most important thing, never pass up the chance to express your love and let him feel that you too accept that he is dying. Through this, the dying person won’t find it hard to leave.

Life after Death

Death is always the end of every growth and existence. It is the one which sets the limit on our lives reminding us to spend our days on the things that matters most and makes us aware that we only have so much time to live so we have to make the most of our lives. That’s why, those who haven’t lived their lives fully are so reluctant to die.

source:http://www.zigzagwallpapers.com/beautiful-sunrise/

Furthermore, thinking about our own death may give us new perspectives in life. It's just like a new sunrise.  We have to plan important things before it’s too late. And the greatest lesson we may learn from the dying is simply “Live, so you won’t have to look back and say God, how I wasted my life,” said Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, 1975.

However, everything that happens to us comes with a purpose. Sometimes we have to fall from the mountain for us to realize what we are climbing for. We encounter obstacles to see if the things we are longing are worth fighting for. We tend to get wounded and have scars. But then, every scar tells a story that will make one say, “yes, I was deeply wounded but I survived.”

God sometimes breaks our spirit to save our soul and our heart to make us whole. He sends us pain for us to become stronger; failures to become humble; and illnesses for us to take care of ourselves better.

REFERENCES

·         The New Book of Knowledge (D)

·         Psychology for Living (Adjustment, Growth and Behavior Today) 7^th Edition by Karen Grover Duffy and Fastwood Atwater

·         Be-Happy Attitudes

·         Psychoanalysis and Cognitive Science (A Multiple Code Theory)